Decades from now, historians will remember the front half of 2013 as “The Great Beyonce Drought,” or maybe “That Time Beyonce Trolled Us All.” Looking for Beyonce to get her grown woman on and give you a full song to bump? Want to buy something on iTunes? Feel like hearing a Beyonce tune on the radio? Sorry! Not gonna happen.
See her in her H&M ad, high above Times Square, mocking you with her flawlessness. See her doing press for a voiceover role in some animated film you only want to see because Beyonce’s in it. See her promise you a new single, a new album, and then go on tour for the next thousand years. It’s all just soda-pop jingles, inexplicable trap-rap promo tracks casually discarded on Tumblr and cartoon balladeering now. Beyonce’s calling the shots, and Beyonce wants it like this.
So! The latest scrap that Beyonce has tossed our way (she is our cruel master and we are like feral beasts, starving in the wilderness) is a guest spot on a new track from The-Dream, also featuring 2 Chainz; the snippet has just been posted. (It’s worth mentioning that I went to the studio to hear some new tracks from Dream’s upcoming album last month, and while I was played a Beyonce collaboration it was not this one — the one I was played was called “Fire,” or maybe the phonetic-but-kind-of-inexplicable “Fi’,” which had Bey crooning “I’m so trill” in a way that wasn’t particularly convincing. Beyonce stopped being trill the moment we all found out that she sands her elbows with a scrub made from diamond dust and Farrah Franklin‘s tears. Everything she owns is custom Givenchy. I know you’re from Houston, but seriously, relax. Anyway, this one is better, I think, than the one I heard last month.)
Titled “Turnt” (is that a Ciara reference?), it’s a woozy, stuttering midtempo that sees Beyonce singing, “People think I’m crazy, but I love you cause you’re crazy too,” which is cool, I guess, because you know what? I do think you’re crazy, Beyonce. I love you, but I do. So there.
Listen to a snippet of the new track below.
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