If you thought things got scandalous last week when the Glee kids were dressed in some of Lady Gaga and Katy Perry‘s most scantily-clad costumes, then you ain’t seen nothing yet. In Thursday’s (November 14) episode, entitled “The End of Twerk,” everybody’s twerking hard for the money, complete with tattoos, body piercings, booty shaking and bathroom humor.
We descend upon the good students of McKinley High in the midst of enjoying a funny video of Blaine twerking like no one’s watching. From here, we see that Will thinks twerking is the key to winning nationals. Because, you know, it worked so well for this year’s MTV VMAs. It becomes mandatory for everyone to learn how to twerk. Sue Sylvester watches from the distance, an onimous look on her face.
Rachel walks into her Funny Girl rehearsal, sporting a short bob. Producer Rupert Campion (played by Peter Facinelli) is perturbed at the drastic change to her look. Despite this, Rachel and her leading man smolder in a duet of “You Are Woman, I Am Man,” and they are both surprised when Rupert is pleased with the result.
Back at school, Unique excuses himself to go to the ladies room, where he encounters Bree. After they have a rapid-fire exchange, leading into a crazy montage, suddenly, both bathrooms are co-ed, Ally McBeal-style. I’m already exhausted.
Returning to NYC, Rachel reveals to Kurt that her bob is just a wig. She calls him out for being boring and not doing anything besides going to school and eating. At this point, I wonder what happened to that band of his he was so passionate about last episode. Then, they decide to do something spontaneous.
On the local news, Sue Sylvester has a segment entitled Sue’s Corner, in which she declares war against twerking and specifically, Miley Cyrus. At this point, I’m having trouble remembering she’s the bad guy because I, too, am ready for twerking and Miley Cyrus to be last week’s news.
The glee club, naturally, is in an uproar because twerking was their secret weapon for nationals. I’m assuming because it will help them sing better. Everybody twerks to “Blurred Lines” from Robin Thicke through the halls with Will leading the way, blissfully ignoring the fact that Sue is in the right to want to keep students from school-sponsored, simulated sex dancing.
Later, Sue gives Will the business when she informs him he was happily singing a song with underage children about date rape. In response, Will cites the first amendment. Wow. Glee is having a real Woodward and Bernstein moment. Regardless, Sue fires him and he says he’ll appeal to the school board.
Tipsy on limoncello, Rachel and Kurt visit a tattoo parlor and I’m finally realizing the episode’s theme is “Poor Judgement and Bad Taste.” Which, incidentally, would be a great name for Kurt’s band that clearly no longer exists.
The next morning in their apartment. Rachel makes pancakes for Kurt, who reveals his tiny tattoo that reads, “It’s get better.” He freaks out at the mistake. Rachel admits that she didn’t go through with hers, which is just classic Rachel, guys. Kurt is understandably pissed.
Dressed like Oprah, Unique pops into the boys room and is harassed by some anonymous jocks. To be fair, if I were wearing that getup in the women’s bathroom, someone would likely have done the same to me. This is his cue to sing “If I Were A Boy,” tears streaming down his cheeks. And, even though Will was fired, he is inexplicably hanging out in rehearsals. Jake and Shaggy Hair want to beat up the guys, but Unique won’t have it.
Cut to Will Schuester speaking at the meeting of the school board, where he has set up a demonstration of dancing to make the argument that the glee club should be allowed to twerk because they are breaking down cultural barriers? I honestly have no idea what’s happening. It make no sense on so many levels, not the least of which is the fact that they are not a dance club. I’m going to be generous and chalk this up to residual grief.
The next morning, Will steps into Sue’s office and he informs her that Unique has earned his own port-a-potty. I guess Will has his job back too?
In NYC, Kurt storms into the tattoo parlor, enraged, only to find out it was his own mistake. He and the tattoo artist have a moment, after which the artist offers to fix the tattoo.
At school, Bree encounters Marley and taunts her with a video of Jake and her twerking. Bree then confesses to Marley that she and Jake had sex, proving her point by telling Marley about a secret mole on Jake’s hip. From there, Marley confronts Jake at his locker about Bree. His response reveals his guilt. She rushes to the auditorium to do a dead-on Miley Cyrus impression of “Wrecking Ball” complete with a plastic giant ball.
In the midst of the port-a-potty and twerking, Unique announces a need to go to the bathroom. Will escorts Unique through the halls with a speech about rights and lets him into the faculty bathroom. Again, Sue catches Will in the act. Will again heads to Sue’s office, where she offers to give Unique a key for the bathroom if the twerking stops. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Will refuses, citing patriotic reasons. On his way out, he trashes her office. I have long since given up trying to comprehend this storyline.
Kurt returns to the apartment with a tongue piercing and an updated tattoo, “It’s got Bette Midler.” They’re both happy. Secretly, Rachel reveals to us that she actually did get a tiny “Finn” tattoo on her rib.
More twerking in rehearsals until Will announces it is “the end of twerking.” Unique takes the blame for it, but Will won’t allow it. In solidarity for their friend, everyone in the club agrees that they’re over twerking anyways and will find another way to win nationals.
They decide to sing “We’re On Our Way” by The Royal Concept. It’s a real heartwarming ending that makes zero sense but I’m happy because finally, nobody’s twerking anymore. At least, I hope, until next week when Tyra Banks shows up to make a guest appearance. I’m already smizing at the thought.
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