Fox today outlined its plans for replacing Paula Abdul at the American Idol judges’ table, and somewhat unfortunately, they involve retaining the four-judge panel that was instituted on the show last year. The show is going to bring in guest judges! “Our intention is to have guest judges be female pop stars, female performers,” Fox Entertainment chair Peter Rice said. Signed for next season so far: A & R expert Katy Perry and tabloid fixture Victoria Beckham. Even though Beckham is more known for her stick-thin figure and the clothes she hangs on it these days, she was a Spice Girl, right? Uh, sure. Any Idol watcher knows that Fox will likely make some sort of misstep in selecting other people to round out the panel; as a sort of pre-emptive strike against that, we offer up five female pop stars whose presence would make the new-look Idol judges’ table even more farcical than it already is.
1. Gwen Stefani. Because when all is said and done, “The Sweet Escape” is no “Forever Your Girl.”
2. Mariah Carey. Sorry, Mimi, but your appearance on NBC last night has temporarily disqualified you from being able to critique others. Please go back and think about what you’ve done. (And no, you aren’t allowed to think about the Batles instead. Come on.)
3. Kellie Pickler, Katharine McPhee, Carly Smithson, or any other non-winner. Because then what is the point, really? “Here are some tips to make you go far… who knows, maybe you’ll be more successful with them than me”? I never believed in the whole maxim about those who couldn’t turning to teaching, and I still don’t.
4. Nicole Scherzinger. Say what you will about her plummeting star, but know this: She’s already snagged a slot on the panel for Diddy’s forthcoming Idol ripoff, and you really don’t want to be thought of as biting your Xeroxers. Ahem.
5. Susan Boyle. Sure, the Britain’s Got Talent-fueled singer makes Simon Cowell go all weak in the knees, but her mere presence on the show will come off as more of a cautionary tale about The Price Of Instant Fame than anything else.
Fox plans to replace Abdul, have guest judges [THR Feed]
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